Saturday, July 26, 2008

Reality Check about relationships: Relationships are hard, how can we make them better!




I heard this message yesterday on 88.7's Walk in the Word with James McDonald. I wanted to highlight a few things he said that stuck with me. Enjoy!




4 Keys to smooth sailing on choppy waters relationally:



When everything is going good in relationships we are smooth sailing BUT, when the waters get choppy many of us just flip our boats over... we start taking on water. Peter tells us that when ever possible .. get along, have sympathy, have compassion, brotherly love, a tender heart (ready to feel what others feel), and have humility (esteem others more important than ourselves). It's what Jesus felt when he healed the sick, fed the sick, raised the dead, wept over Jerusalem.




4 Keys to smooth sailing:



1. Humble in Spirit
- Every time we start to take on water in relationships, we are esteeming ourself more then others, and we are wise in our own eyes, we think our issues are most important, our positions are the correct ones. That's why being humble in spirit is important. There is however, a notion among Christians that if we do everything right, there won't be any relational problems, we have to get over that right now. This is a sinful world, perfect relationships are for heaven, this is the time to get along and do the best that we can. We can't have the expectation that if we do these things everything is going to go right for us, not at all. That's why this next part is SO important.





2. Confidence in God
- Do not repay evil for evil, or reviling for reviling. What that means is when your boss doesn't give you the promotion you deserve, you don't start going home early, and making personal phone calls from work. That means when your husband says some hurtful things to you, don't say well this gives me an opportunity to tell you what I really think about some things. Why do we not do these you ask??? What does God want us to do when someone is hurting us with their words? God wants us to bless them. Now this is funny, the greek work for bless is Eulogeo (yoo-log-eh'-o) from which we get our word Eulogy, so what the Bible is saying is that when someone is coming down on you what God wants you to do it eulogize them. Now that doesn't mean kill them first! It means that well have you ever been to a funeral where sorry to say it but the person was pretty messed up, you know a really wicked person, an ungodly person. They weren't kind to anybody but now they are dead and time for the funeral and isn't it amazing how there is one person that will stand up and say the one thing good about so and so was... and they find something good to say. So essentially, when you don't know what to say or you do know what to say and it's wrong do this, bless them. It says in the Bible that this is where you are called that you may obtain a blessing, we start listening when we hear that there is a blessing for us huh. There is always a blessing for obedience...is it easy no it's not easy at all. Seek peace and pursue it. Romans says as much as it lies within YOU, live at peace with all men. Can you be at peace with everybody? No, but as much as it lies within YOU do everything YOU can do to be at peace with everybody.




So why is it so hard to apply it? We have heard these concepts before today. So it seems there is a gap between learning and doing. Why is it so hard in the heat of the moment to do whats right relationally? Well we all struggle with that.


A. Anger

-If I'm angry about something, it's not a good time to pull the boat out of the harbor. Do you ever find yourself yelling at the kids and thinking I'm really more upset with the guy at work. Then at work find yourself upset but not about work but about something you didn't get settled at home that morning? If you are angry and sense that, you are going to take on water quickly if you don't get that dealt with.

B. Time

-Relationships don't go good in a hurry. If you find yourself raising your voice, getting intense, saying things you wish you hadn't said, just take a look at your time schedule. Are you trying to get somewhere in the next 7 minutes and you are in the way right now!! A lot of times it's time.

C. Expectation

- A lot of relationship problems come from expectation. We have expectations of others. Which leads us to the next step.





3. Realistic in expectation
- We are under the illusion to go into society with our list of Biblical do's and don't's and that everyone is going to operate under the same principle's that you do, you are SO wrong. There isn't even a common standard of courtesy in our world anymore. Most people are operating under the what works for me now program. Bring to mind one or two of the most difficult relationships that you deal with. Peter says that even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, how many people live with the expectation that if I do everything right I better not suffer? Well, even if you should suffer for righteousness sake you will be blessed. God will take care of you, so even if people injure you if you try to do what's right relationally, God will take care of you. In fact he says have no fear of them or be troubled by them. Don't let your heart get into a turmoil of how other people will live or act. How about lower expectations of others, higher expectations of ourselves.





4. Hopeful in eternity

- Regard Christ the Lord as Holy. Right there in that moment of decisions, quick ones, put Jesus on the throne of your heart. Lord, I'm not living for this person, I'm living for you. What would you have me do in this situation, what would be pleasing to you? Then always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for the reason for the hope that is in you. BUT, do it with gentleness and respect, not gritted teeth saying IT'S BECAUSE I'M A CHRISTIAN, OK?? Sometimes that's how we want to say it but I don't think that's what he means. Gentleness! Those that revile your good behavior will be put to shame. You say I don;t know if I like this, this sounds like a difficult way to live. Peter says better to suffer for doing good, if that's God's will then for doing evil. When do you suffer for doing good? In this life! When do you suffer for doing evil? In the next one! Hebrews 9:27 and just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment. Someday we are going to go and meet God and he is watching what we do. You say God expects a lot, you know God doesn't expect anything that he hasn't done himself. For Christ also suffered for sins. What did he deserve?? He didn't deserve judgement, he didn't deserve punishment, he didn't deserve suffering. But that's what he got. The righteous suffers for the unrighteous. Why did he do that?? That he might bring us to God. Have you turned to God through Faith in Christ so that you can be forgiven? Being out to death in the flesh, and some say that is their point, Jesus lived this way and what did it get him?? Yea, but you should know the rest of the story because it says he has gone to heaven and is at the right hand of God with the angels. The point is is that Christ and his followers were willing to suffer just a little now because this is just a brief period of time and we get all the hope of eternity later!



So when the waters get a little choppy: Humble in Spirit, Confidence in God, Realistic in expectation, and hopeful in eternity!



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